If You Love Somebody
by Foxieglove
Summary: . . . let them go. Todd tries to gently break it to Wanda that they 'just can't work' anymore with disastrous results. ToddKurt pairing. Very onesided ToddWanda.


How was it, Wanda mused with growing irritation as she slammed the top drawer closed and finished putting on her shirt, that a certain little creepoid always knew to knock the _moment_ she was indecent? Though to be fair, he'd improved - marginally - over the course of the year. He no longer had the knack for walking _in_ whenever she was unclothed.

She zipped her jeans up and buttoned them, cleared the bed with one swipe and glared at the door. "Come in," she growled, wanting to get this over with. He'd had an urgent need to talk to her since that afternoon.

Todd peered around the door, looking both intensely nervous and pale with determination. He walked in and shut it behind him. "Wanda, um . . . Hi."

She blinked, crossed her legs. Waited. It was going to take a lot of boxes to bury what was left of him if all he had to say was 'hi', but by the look on his face she guessed there was more. Todd didn't seem to know how to say it, unfortunately. She raised an eyebrow as he looked anywhere else in the room but directly at her.

Well, she wasn't going to invite him to _sit_ or anything.

"I . . . We gotta break it off."

"Really?" Wanda raised her other eyebrow, made a hex bolt, and looked questioningly at the place where Todd's legs met. "I'll help," she offered flatly.

"Ahahaheh. You kidder you," Todd laughed uneasily, darting behind chair which blocked his pelvis. Just in case. "But in all seriousness . . ."

Wanda dissolved the hex bolt. "I do not have all night to play around. Either you've met someone else or you have a terminal illness, which is the only reason you'd bring your sad delusional little self into my room to talk to me about it. You know, as if I'd _care_. "

"Ah . . . oh. You heard?"

"No. I hadn't. Which one is it?"

"Met someone," Todd mumbled.

"Well, you never cease to disappoint me, so big surprise there. Congratulations. Can I go to sleep?"

Todd got a strange expression on his face. One that signified the nullification of all basic instinct, which led to him making the usual stupid move of the day. Like walking around the barrier he'd wisely placed himself behind and taking her hand between his own. "Wanda, babe, I never meant to hurt you. You don't gotta take it so hard."

". . ."

Didn't they have any asylums in this country? Where oh where had gone the asylums? Where were the men in shining white lab coats to come to her rescue?

"I know you're pretendin' to be happy and it's brave of you. But . . . y'know. You don't always gotta be so stoic 'bout everything. Let it all out, yo."

". . . _Urgh_."

"There's my girl. And you know. If you love somebody, you gotta let 'em go, right?"

"Go. Get out," Wanda reclaimed her hand.

"Cause someday, they'll come right back to you."

Wanda whimpered.

"Well. Generally speaking, they do. Actually _I_ can't. Cause I'm . . . ah. Withaboyrightnow. So, yeah. Don't take it personally?" he winced.

Wanda blinked. "You're gay?" she said bluntly. Todd flushed and scratched the back of his head. Wanda had a horrified thought. "Oh Jesus Christ. It's my brother. It's my fucking twin, you stupid confused sod, you've gone and -"

"Oh, FUCK no!" Todd shouted, backing away until his back hit the dresser. The mirror wobbled alarmingly. "Are you _crazy_, woman?"

Wanda gave a moan of delirious relief. "Toad, if you ever scare me like that again I will rip your balls out by the roots and nail them over my threshold where they will hang forevermore."

"Why is it," Todd asked in a small whimpering voice, "You always threaten my genitals? Even now, when I'm gay? Don't you think they've gone through enough?" He sounded as thoroughly traumatized as Wanda was, which mollified her somewhat.

She took a breath in. He exhaled shakily.

"Right," She said, recovered. "So. Who am I being replaced for?"

Todd told her. Wanda stared at him for a second then nodded slowly. "I've got just one question for you."

"Yo?"

"Does he know he's your boyfriend?"

"Wanda!" Todd shrieked, scandalized. "Just what the hell is that supposed ta mean?!"

"Well, gee, I dunno. Only that you're the kind of person who'd equate changing the security codes to keep you out as a sign of eternal devotion! So does he or doesn't he?"

"Yes, for Christ sakes! Geezus, what do you take me for?" Todd yelled. Wanda stared, looking rather unconvinced. Todd gave a growl of frustration. "Yes. He does. Okay? He and I are seeing each other. Steadily. We are a set pair. No anonymous gifts of flowers and candy and rainbow sparklers. No sittin' outside his window while he dresses, or outside the bathroom window . . . um. Not that I ever did that with you, mind-"

"Of coooouuuurse not," Wanda drawled, tone very dangerous.

"And not that I could see anything out of the bathroom window anyway, cause you know. Foggy," Todd babbled on recklessly. "Cause you like hot showers, see. And . . . and that makes lots of steam . . . and, um, Wanda? Um. UM. WANDA?!?"

* * * *

"So. How'd it go?" Todd asked calmly. Kurt looked at him morosely. Down at him, rather.

"How do you_ think_? Amanda cried her eyes out and all I could do was . . ." Kurt blinked. "Um. Why are you lying on the sidewalk?"

"Eh-heh. Howdy."

"Let me rephrase that. Why are you lying _in_ the sidewalk? And where did your eyebrows get off to?"

Todd smiled winningly. "Wanna trade exes?"

". . . I'll get the hammer and chisel," Kurt sighed.

-END


End file.
